Your physical body takes a vacation, but the eating disorder definitely does not.

Eating disorders can intensify whilst on vacation, the change of routine, lack of control in the kitchen, foreign foods, different mealtimes… it can be insanely overwhelming, for me, travel had the joy sucked out of them for a long time. 

For someone who uses eating behaviours to create control, the unpredictability of travel can increase urges to restrict, binge, purge or over-exercise, typically a time of excitement and adventure for some, yet a time or anxiety and dread for others.

Travel includes food uncertainty which can look like; restaurants instead of home cooking, unknown ingredients and calories, frequent eating out, these can all trigger anxiety which can lead to compensatory behaviour or avoidance of meals. Then we get to those sun-soaked holidays that are drench in body image anxiety… wearing swimsuits, comparing one’s body to others, taking photos then seeing oneself in photos… these experiences can intensify body image distress. Vacations can often bring emotions like stress, excitement, family conflict, loneliness, curiosity. Eating disorder behaviours can often act as coping strategies when emotions feel intense or out of control. Vacations can often be seen by some people as ‘freedom’ a time with ‘no rules’ this can trigger binge episodes followed by guilt, panic over weight gain and often restriction before or after the trip to compensate.

Here are 3 of my travel tips, that helped me pack a little peace + comfort into trips that felt terrifying.

1.    Bring a few ‘safe’ or familiar foods or drinks along, for me this was a saving grace, a touch of home when things feel very distant or foreign helps soothe anxiety, knowing you have a few options lowers pressure around eating out. These comforts can look different to each of us, in my case you’ll find, gooey medjool dates, pistacchios, ombar chocolate, fennel and peppermint teabags, to help with digestion and bloating, valerian tea bags to soothe anxiety and help me get a deep restorative sleep.

2.    Limit body checking behaviours, I know this is easier said than done, but try to reduce the mirror checking and the photo scanning, this can become so consuming and mentally exhausting. Also, only take clothes with you that you already know you feel comfortable and confident in, do a pre-holiday outfit planning session, being comfy in your clothes is essential! The reality is that the more worked up and stressed we allow ourselves to get, the more cortisol and inflammation will be running around your body, so try your best to keep your peace.

3.    Plan emotional coping tools, travel can bring stress, often more time to relax, and with no plans, intrusive thoughts can run wild, so factor in some time to get some calm steps in to keep your mind clear, journal, whether pen to paper or on your phone, calling or connect with someone you trust, follow some grounding breathing, deep inhales, long, slow exhales. The key here is to ensure you can whip out one of your tools when urges and emotions spike.

Looking back on some trips I went on in the heigh of my eating disorder, I was physically there, but mentally I was somewhere completely different. I was so preoccupied with my body changing over the week, my clothes feeling tighter, what was on and most importantly, what was not on my plate, and what the scales were telling me… yes, I used to travel with a mini electronic scale, the step of doom that would determine how each day would look for me. I remember locking myself in the bathroom, running water and playing music as if I was showering, so no one would hear the haunting beeps that the scale would make, that noise now gives me shivers. And if the scale allowed me so, maybe I would go for breakfast which could look like a kiwi cut up in half, on a good day, or 16th on a bad day. I missed out on so much joy, quality time with loved ones, so much adventure, culture, I also I missed out on being the best daughter, friend, girlfriend and wife, but I couldn’t let that guilt overwhelm me, I just used it to fuel my healing, and I hope that one day, my story can help even just one person.  

All photography by Camila Urreaa

Now I look with my clearer lenses, I see a young girl, desperately trying to control what she could, filled with so much disbelief and little self-love, just about surviving. I wish I could tell her that she was safe, no matter where in the world she was, that she was loved and accepted, no matter the continent her 2 strong feet were standing on, and that one day, she will live to travel and *eatlife up.

Biggest hug,

Lottie x